Men are notorious for going it alone. Funny stories about men refusing to ask for directions or instructions are easily told around the water cooler, but this “lone wolf” tendency can misfire in the face of infertility. The fact of the matter is, infertility is a crisis that may have a dramatic effect on a couple’s long-term relationship. Medical care in the form of a male and female infertility workup, diagnosis, and treatment is what gets the most attention. Today, we want to touch on the touchy-feely subject of emotions.
Same Problem, Different Perspectives
It is interesting to see how easily separated and isolated couples can become when conception does not happen as they imagined it would. Ultimately, each partner may struggle with feelings of shame, blame, and betrayal. Where separation occurs is in the ways that men and women cope with their feelings of disappointment and failure in light of infertility.
By and large, women are raised under an unspoken assumption that motherhood is in their future. The messages of expectancy are so common that we don’t see how obvious they are. Girls are given dolls to play with at a very young age, and they mimic their own mothers who coo over babies in the grocery store. If pregnancy does not occur as “it should,” a woman can fall into a deep pit of self-doubt. To deal with difficult feelings, a woman may turn to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist.
Men are not necessarily raised with the same overt messages about fatherhood and the expectancy of it. The messages that men receive have more to do with their strength, masculinity, and virility. When infertility is placed on a man’s shoulders, self-doubt and shame may revolve around a sense of deficiency in the area of what it means to be a man. When these difficult feelings arise for men, there is rarely an outreach for support. Unlike women, men are not taught to bring their emotions up in conversation. The lifelong teaching is usually to repress feelings, especially those that are tough.
Baby Steps Toward Success
The team at Collin County Urology is here to assist men in the diagnosis and treatment of male infertility. Couples can also benefit from professional assistance with the emotional aspects of this life crisis, which can equip them with the strategies they need to avoid placing blame and separation within the relationship.
Get the care you need from specialists who understand what you’re going through. Call our Plano office at (972) 403-5425.This entry was posted in Infertility. Bookmark the permalink.
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